Sometimes I think Gracie is big. I think she is big enough to get dressed all by herself or clean her room without my help. I think she is big enough to understand what I am trying to tell her. Or maybe even pick herself up after a fall and brush herself off to move on.
Then, in a moment, I catch a glimpse of her and I see how really small she is. She is untouched by the pain of this world. She is blissfully unaware of the evil that exists among us. She has experienced only minor discomfort in the form of bumps and bruises. She has experienced only slight sadness in the unkind words of a friend. One day, she will see and feel all the bad things. She will hurt physically and emotionally. She will fear the evil. She will begin to understand some of the things I am trying to teach her and I will not be there to pick her up after a fall.
But right now, I will pick her up. I will help her get dressed when she asks because the world she is learning about is sometimes just too distracting to get both socks on in a speedy manner. I will help her clean her room because her little being is too busy having fun with her surroundings to focus on putting all the toys away by herself for 15 minutes. So I will help her until she gains that focus. I will pick her up when she falls (even if it is her fault) and kiss her booboos and get "Mr. frog" out of the freezer because sometimes just a little attention is what heals the hurt best. She is so smart and so naive all at the same time. She is learning so much and makes me so proud everyday. She is so big sometimes and yet so small.
I am trying not to wish away the "little." I am trying to enjoy the silly, sweet, sensitive little girl that she is. God does not make mistakes. She is easily distracted, always silly, sometimes unaware and so eager to learn all because that's how he made her. I think that's how he made most 3 almost 4 year olds. I
She'll be four in a month. Bigger, but still small.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Thirty
Thirty seems like a lot of years. When you are young thirty seems old. Then you make it to thirty and you realize that thirty just scratches the surface.
By the grace of God I am exactly where I wanted to be at the age of thirty. I'm not the kind of person who makes lists about what I want my life to look like in five or ten years. However, in approaching this milestone birthday I've been doing a lot of contemplating about my life. Every way I look at these thirty years they have been amazing.
I have been blessed with parents who love me unconditionally and support me in everything I do. I have a brother who, I'm pretty sure, doesn't think I'm a bratty little sister anymore. He married a woman I am proud to call a sister who has given me one beautiful niece and two handsome nephews. I met the man of my dreams my last year of college and still managed to eek out a degree without dropping out to elope. My mother-in-law and father-in-law are easy to love. Matt's sister and her husband are so fun and have given us two beautiful nieces. I have countless friends who have helped me to have a blast for thirty years.
I always say that God knew exactly what He was doing when He put me and Matt together. It was no accident that we met even though Matt had just graduated and I had a year and a half of school left. Our vision for this life is identical. It is the reason why I have been able to stay home to raise our two most important little blessings. When I left for college I knew that what I really wanted to be was a wife and a mom. Today I am a wife. Today I am a mom. Tomorrow I will be thirty and my life looks exactly the way I pictured it back in the days when I had time to picture the future. Some of the road was bumpy but I would not change a thing because it got me to this place. This place where life is busy and sometimes hard but at the end of the day when that little girl and that little boy smile at me I remember that this is exactly where I want to be.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Simple Prayers
Praying with your child is a sweet thing. It's kind of like a roller coaster too. In the beginning Gracie was eager to listen to us pray. Then she started participating with her sweet little sentiments here and there. Then she started refusing to pray. What parent finds comfort in the fact that their child doesn't want to talk to God? Definitely not this one.
I decided that pushing the prayer was not a good thing. I could not make her talk to God and I really shouldn't. Instead I started making the prayers simple. I would ask her if she wanted to pray and then when she said, "no" I would say a simple prayer for the both of us.
Recently we have started asking her before bed what she wants to thank God for and she has responded wonderfully by choosing something different most every night and eagerly thanking God for it. It's simple, it's sweet, but it's so genuine. Matt and I also choose something to thank Him for and we take turns saying our simple prayers. Occasionally we will pray for the needs of someone else or for our family but mostly we give thanks.
One night while Debbie (my mother-in-law) was in town last week we asked Gracie if she wanted to say the prayer. She did.
We all held hands and she sat on her knees in her chair, closed her eyes and said, "Thank you God for Jesus, for this food and for everything in my life."
That was the prayer of a three year old. A prayer that pleases God. A prayer that makes a Mother break down at the dinner table because her little girl is starting to get it. She is starting to understand what it is to have a thankful heart. To appreciate Jesus and food and everything! I know she doesn't understand the depth of sacrifice that was experienced on the cross. I know she doesn't understand the miracle of a risen savior completely. But she knows to thank God for all the things she does know. And she knows Jesus.
I decided that pushing the prayer was not a good thing. I could not make her talk to God and I really shouldn't. Instead I started making the prayers simple. I would ask her if she wanted to pray and then when she said, "no" I would say a simple prayer for the both of us.
Recently we have started asking her before bed what she wants to thank God for and she has responded wonderfully by choosing something different most every night and eagerly thanking God for it. It's simple, it's sweet, but it's so genuine. Matt and I also choose something to thank Him for and we take turns saying our simple prayers. Occasionally we will pray for the needs of someone else or for our family but mostly we give thanks.
One night while Debbie (my mother-in-law) was in town last week we asked Gracie if she wanted to say the prayer. She did.
We all held hands and she sat on her knees in her chair, closed her eyes and said, "Thank you God for Jesus, for this food and for everything in my life."
That was the prayer of a three year old. A prayer that pleases God. A prayer that makes a Mother break down at the dinner table because her little girl is starting to get it. She is starting to understand what it is to have a thankful heart. To appreciate Jesus and food and everything! I know she doesn't understand the depth of sacrifice that was experienced on the cross. I know she doesn't understand the miracle of a risen savior completely. But she knows to thank God for all the things she does know. And she knows Jesus.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Baby Moments
One week from today Evan will be six months old. This half-year feels like a blip on my timeline. It's a good thing and a bad thing. Good because we are mostly past the "every night is a sleepless night" phase. Bad because I know this time around just how special and fleeting these baby moments are.
Evan is a happy baby. He has a smile for everyone. He is content most of the time and doesn't really cry unless he's very mad. He communicates more in grunts that cries when he wants something in his environment to change. He is becoming very cuddly. He leans into me and does this thing where he chews on my shoulder. It must feel good to his budding teeth. My shoulders are always wet and I kind of love it. This sixth month has been a busy one. He has officially rolled both tummy to back and back to tummy. He is very good at back to tummy but not so good at tummy to back. This frustrates him because he doesn't really enjoy being on his tummy. We went on his first plane ride and he did great. In Texas he got his first tooth and then when we got home he quickly got his second one. He can sit by himself for a few minutes before he tumbles to the side or backwards. He sits up so well that he can now sit up in the toddler tub and splash to his hearts content. It's funny though because he doesn't really smile and giggle about the water. He seems so determined to get whatever toy is in front of him or to explore the water he is in that he remains very serious. He has started talking more and using new sounds. Just today he woke up saying, "o, wo, wo." His baby voice is so sweet.
I try to record these baby moments so I won't forget them. I pray they stay in my mind forever.
Note to Evan: I love you little guy. I can't believe you are almost a half a year old! You have brought me joy that I can not explain. I hope I can remember all these special little baby things so that I can tell you the stories of you one day. So that you will understand just a little about what it is like to be your Mommy. God has smiled on me little man and in His smile I see blessings like you.
Evan is a happy baby. He has a smile for everyone. He is content most of the time and doesn't really cry unless he's very mad. He communicates more in grunts that cries when he wants something in his environment to change. He is becoming very cuddly. He leans into me and does this thing where he chews on my shoulder. It must feel good to his budding teeth. My shoulders are always wet and I kind of love it. This sixth month has been a busy one. He has officially rolled both tummy to back and back to tummy. He is very good at back to tummy but not so good at tummy to back. This frustrates him because he doesn't really enjoy being on his tummy. We went on his first plane ride and he did great. In Texas he got his first tooth and then when we got home he quickly got his second one. He can sit by himself for a few minutes before he tumbles to the side or backwards. He sits up so well that he can now sit up in the toddler tub and splash to his hearts content. It's funny though because he doesn't really smile and giggle about the water. He seems so determined to get whatever toy is in front of him or to explore the water he is in that he remains very serious. He has started talking more and using new sounds. Just today he woke up saying, "o, wo, wo." His baby voice is so sweet.
I try to record these baby moments so I won't forget them. I pray they stay in my mind forever.
Note to Evan: I love you little guy. I can't believe you are almost a half a year old! You have brought me joy that I can not explain. I hope I can remember all these special little baby things so that I can tell you the stories of you one day. So that you will understand just a little about what it is like to be your Mommy. God has smiled on me little man and in His smile I see blessings like you.
Friday, March 30, 2012
This Earth
Winter is turning to Spring here in Indy. It's happening quite early this year. We've already worn shorts a few times. Last year it didn't warm up until June, literally.
I always enjoy spring. When I was little it was because my birthday is in May. And it meant school was coming to a close for the Summer. I still enjoy it for those reasons but now it means a lot more. It's amazing to see all the new life budding forth. To see the flowers start to bloom and the birds start to sing. A couple years ago we had a robin's nest in our backyard and when the mommy and daddy bird were out hunting we would sneak a peak at those little blue eggs. I would hold Gracie up to see them and even at that young age she saw that those eggs were new life. Babies just waiting for their spin on this earth.
This Earth. Gracie must be learning about Earth at preschool because right now she can identify a picture of the Earth and she knows we live on it. She still asks where Earth is and where on this Earth we live. Questions I can answer but that cause a glazed expression to cross her face. And then the other day she asked this one, "Where is God on this Earth?" I responded, "He's everywhere." She asks, "Is he in all our tummies?" She knows Jesus lives in our hearts and that Evan was in mommy's tummy. I guess she's just trying to figure the God thing out. But hey, aren't we all?
Before Gracie could speak I started asking her a very simple question, "Who made Gracie?" And I would answer, "God made Gracie!" It was very exciting for her then and very exciting for me the first time she answered with a simple, "God." I don't always have the answers to her questions. I'm sure she will stump me over and over again. I do know who made her though and I will spend my life trying to teach her that she has purpose. That God made her to love Him. That He offers us hope because He loves us. That's what I see in Spring. New life given by the God that offers new life to us everyday, literally.
I always enjoy spring. When I was little it was because my birthday is in May. And it meant school was coming to a close for the Summer. I still enjoy it for those reasons but now it means a lot more. It's amazing to see all the new life budding forth. To see the flowers start to bloom and the birds start to sing. A couple years ago we had a robin's nest in our backyard and when the mommy and daddy bird were out hunting we would sneak a peak at those little blue eggs. I would hold Gracie up to see them and even at that young age she saw that those eggs were new life. Babies just waiting for their spin on this earth.
This Earth. Gracie must be learning about Earth at preschool because right now she can identify a picture of the Earth and she knows we live on it. She still asks where Earth is and where on this Earth we live. Questions I can answer but that cause a glazed expression to cross her face. And then the other day she asked this one, "Where is God on this Earth?" I responded, "He's everywhere." She asks, "Is he in all our tummies?" She knows Jesus lives in our hearts and that Evan was in mommy's tummy. I guess she's just trying to figure the God thing out. But hey, aren't we all?
Before Gracie could speak I started asking her a very simple question, "Who made Gracie?" And I would answer, "God made Gracie!" It was very exciting for her then and very exciting for me the first time she answered with a simple, "God." I don't always have the answers to her questions. I'm sure she will stump me over and over again. I do know who made her though and I will spend my life trying to teach her that she has purpose. That God made her to love Him. That He offers us hope because He loves us. That's what I see in Spring. New life given by the God that offers new life to us everyday, literally.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Four Months
Our little man is four months old today. He is a bundle of joy. A very big bundle of joy.
Evan is a sweet boy. These four months have flown by and we are finally starting to live within a predictable routine again. He is eating on a schedule and sleeping well (when he's not sick or on antibiotics). I am starting to feel somewhat normal again though his nap schedule keeps me living as a hermit most of the time. We get out and about after his 10:30ish feeding and are back home for his 1:30ish feeding. Then the glorious hour from 2:30 to 3:30 when both kids are napping (or enjoying quiet time sans mommy) arrives.
He is a very happy baby. He coos a lot and kicks a lot. He loves anything to do with his sister. She entertains him by just being in his line of site. He is starting to grab for his toys and bring them to his mouth. He is constantly sucking on his hands and has even found his thumb to suck on now and then. He is starting to sit in his bumbo and because of that he can sit with the family at the table during meal time. We just got the exersaucer out of storage yesterday and he is a pro! When we first put Gracie in it we had to put books underneath so she could reach the ground but this little man is already tall enough for it!
We go in for our official four month well check next week and then we will start him on cereal. We're hoping to go visit family next month to show off all his new skills and cuteness. That will mean a plane ride with two kids in tow. Pray for us. Raising kids sure is an adventure.
Evan is a sweet boy. These four months have flown by and we are finally starting to live within a predictable routine again. He is eating on a schedule and sleeping well (when he's not sick or on antibiotics). I am starting to feel somewhat normal again though his nap schedule keeps me living as a hermit most of the time. We get out and about after his 10:30ish feeding and are back home for his 1:30ish feeding. Then the glorious hour from 2:30 to 3:30 when both kids are napping (or enjoying quiet time sans mommy) arrives.
He is a very happy baby. He coos a lot and kicks a lot. He loves anything to do with his sister. She entertains him by just being in his line of site. He is starting to grab for his toys and bring them to his mouth. He is constantly sucking on his hands and has even found his thumb to suck on now and then. He is starting to sit in his bumbo and because of that he can sit with the family at the table during meal time. We just got the exersaucer out of storage yesterday and he is a pro! When we first put Gracie in it we had to put books underneath so she could reach the ground but this little man is already tall enough for it!
We go in for our official four month well check next week and then we will start him on cereal. We're hoping to go visit family next month to show off all his new skills and cuteness. That will mean a plane ride with two kids in tow. Pray for us. Raising kids sure is an adventure.
Monday, March 5, 2012
The Best Big Sister
Towards the end of my pregnancy I started to think about how life was going to change for my little girl. We always planned to have multiple kids. Matt and I both have one sibling and I can't imagine life without a brother to share it with. That didn't make it any easier to think about how my little girl's world was going to be altered. She was no longer going to be the only one who needed my lap to sit in, my hand to hold or my attention to claim. I knew it was going to be good for her. It's a real world lesson in sharing and humbling yourself to allow others to be more than you (a very biblical principal, see Luke 14:7-11). She was going to have to give up her "place of honor" for a little man she didn't even know yet. I worried what her reaction would be and how I would have room enough in my lap (read: my heart) for two little ones.
I can tell you that there is room enough. My heart is twice as big now because I have twice as much love. I love these two kids equally and want, so much, to be the best mom for both of them. I will not always be able to provide them with equal time as their needs change and our lives adapt to new routines but they will always have equal love.
I must brag on my baby girl here and say that she has done a wonderful job of making herself lower so that Evan can have the front row seat for a time. Don't get me wrong, she's not perfect and she is three after all. But she has shown great love to her baby brother. She is constantly going to get toys for him to "play" with and a pacifier in case he cries. She always lets us know when he needs something. I even overhear her telling him that she loves him occasionally. Those words are music to a mother's ears. She has acted out against her father and myself because she wants more hugs and more one on one time but through it all she has not taken that out on her little brother. When I was pregnant many friends told me that Gracie would be so much bigger the instant I held Evan in my arms. Not only does she look bigger to me now; she acts bigger too.
They really do grow up too fast. Evan is one lucky little guy to have such a great big sister. I hope they grow up to be friends.
Note to Gracie:
I know you are having to sacrifice a lot of mommy and daddy time now to your little brother. I know you need more hugs and kisses and I am trying very hard to provide that for you. I am so proud of how you are growing up. I am so proud of how much you love your little brother. You will be good friends one day. You will laugh and share memories together and that will make me smile. :)
I can tell you that there is room enough. My heart is twice as big now because I have twice as much love. I love these two kids equally and want, so much, to be the best mom for both of them. I will not always be able to provide them with equal time as their needs change and our lives adapt to new routines but they will always have equal love.
I must brag on my baby girl here and say that she has done a wonderful job of making herself lower so that Evan can have the front row seat for a time. Don't get me wrong, she's not perfect and she is three after all. But she has shown great love to her baby brother. She is constantly going to get toys for him to "play" with and a pacifier in case he cries. She always lets us know when he needs something. I even overhear her telling him that she loves him occasionally. Those words are music to a mother's ears. She has acted out against her father and myself because she wants more hugs and more one on one time but through it all she has not taken that out on her little brother. When I was pregnant many friends told me that Gracie would be so much bigger the instant I held Evan in my arms. Not only does she look bigger to me now; she acts bigger too.
They really do grow up too fast. Evan is one lucky little guy to have such a great big sister. I hope they grow up to be friends.
Note to Gracie:
I know you are having to sacrifice a lot of mommy and daddy time now to your little brother. I know you need more hugs and kisses and I am trying very hard to provide that for you. I am so proud of how you are growing up. I am so proud of how much you love your little brother. You will be good friends one day. You will laugh and share memories together and that will make me smile. :)
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