Blue Light

I like to nap with Gracie. Even if it seems as if I've had enough sleep at night I still feel pretty exhausted during the day. I'm convinced this is because "mom" sleep is not nearly as restful as regular sleep.

We have a king size bed so what I end up doing is putting her in the middle with a pillow on Matt's side to guard the edge (which is really about 3 feet away). I put a receiving blanket down to guard against any spit-up/poo mishaps, pop her paci in and give her her blankie. Then I hop in beside her. I'm a side sleeper so I end up with my head on my pillow and my body under the covers facing her. She's started doing this thing once I get settled and look into her eyes where she laughs just once. If you've heard her laugh on any of our videos then you know she's got a low pitched giggle. I think she laughs because all she can see is my head. She lets out just one little grunty laugh and then she settles in for a snooze.

She usually sleeps for about 30 or 40 minutes. I've learned, though, that she isn't done with her nap at this point. She always needs another round. I wake up as soon as she starts squirming and pop her paci back in. Sometimes the timing is perfect and she passes out quickly but other times it's a bit of a process. Every once in awhile we share the sweetest moments in that time between dreams. She'll just lay so still and stare at me. I try and keep my eyes closed in hopes of setting a good example. I open one eye ever so slightly to see if she's closed her eyes yet and she'll just be staring at me with a sweet little smile. Sometimes I give in and open my eyes so that we can stare at each other. I've never looked at anyone's eyes so closely.

They are so many shades of blue. They are very dark at the edge. Almost like slate. Then they start to dilute to a softer blue towards the middle. The blue that is at the very center is hard to describe. Light blue just doesn't do it justice. It's almost as if there is a blue sun peeking out from behind her pupils. It's like blue light. Even in the light itself there are different shades.

At some point during our staring contest she starts to blink very slowly until she's barely keeping her eyes open. Then she drifts off into her dreams. By this time I'm usually wide awake so sometimes I sneak out of bed and get something productive done. On the better days I just lay there and watch her.