I opted to post twice today in order to help you see I haven't completely lost my mind.
I was feeding Gracie this afternoon and afterwards she was sitting in my lap chewing on my finger. I felt something sharp and realized that she cut a tooth. Her very first little tooth!
In the last two days she has started sitting on her own and she found her feet. She can sit up on her own for about a minute before toppling over. She uses her hands to hold herself in place. That's what they call tripoding. Today I startled her several times with my laugh and she actually started catching herself before she would fall. She has such an amazing core strength. She just loves sucking on her toes and when in a sitting position will lean down grab them.
She has had a few really big milestone days and I am so proud of her. She is so amazing to me. I know that all babies reach these milestones but man it just seems like Gracie is the only little girl in the world right now. I'm sure that's the way all parents feel about their kiddos. Wouldn't it be wrong if we didn't? If it was just another day to us?
This all makes me feel a lot better about the last few weeks. She's obviously been striving to reach these goals and it has disrupted her sleep. Hopefully I will remember this tonight when she wakes me up. I am giving her a dose of tylenol and baby oragel before bed to ward off any teeth pain that may wake her up. Fingers crossed.
Speaking of bedtime, it's time to put the little bit to sleep. I'll try and post some pics of her sitting up and enjoying her toes soon.
Note to Gracie:
You are amazing in every way!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
The Truth
The last few weeks have been torture for me. I am willing and ready to admit right now that I am the weakest person I know. Warning: what you are about to read is the God's honest truth about the person I am. I could create an anonymous blog to get this stuff off of my chest but I decided against it. I decided that maybe what I am about to write will help someone else who has been, is going through, or will go through this stuff. Or maybe I am the only one who is this pathetic. By any means I've got to say it out loud, if only to lighten my load a bit. For those of you who love me: proceed with caution, this might change the way you think about me.
Gracie started a few weeks ago waking in the middle of the night several times and it progressed to waking every couple of hours over the last two nights. I do not handle this well at all. I tried the paci dance (replacing the paci every time she cried) but this only afforded me about 40 minutes of sleep in between steps. I tried letting her cry it out which works the first couple of times but by round three my blood is boiling. I've made a couple of early morning (read 4 am) trips to walmart just to cool off. I went for a drive last night at 10 pm and thought seriously about renting a hotel room. I have consistently been getting about 4 hours of sleep a night which makes me a blubbering fool all day long and basically mad at the world.
I love Gracie. I will always love Gracie. I know that this time will pass and I will probably forget all about it just in time to start going through it again with a sibling for Gracie one day but right now I am broken. I get so angry. Not at Gracie. I know she's just a baby and she cries because that is all she can do to communicate. I am angry at myself mostly because I don't know what to do. I don't know if she's hungry or cold or hot. I don't know if she needs a paci or if I should just let her cry. My blood boils and I start to think that all I want is for Gracie to be quiet so I can sleep and then I get angry at myself for not being a good mom and being understanding of these difficult times for her. Then I start praying but that doesn't make me feel better. Then I start thinking I'm crazy because it's not like God is smiting me. There are probably millions of people going through this exact same sleepless night right now. And then I start sobbing. And somewhere between Gracie's cries and my cries I fall asleep. Most days are good. She wakes up smiling and I wake up not crying. And then there are days when all I can think about is tonight. Will she sleep good? Will she be up every two hours? Will I sleep at all?
I'm not writing this so that everyone can feel sorry for me. I'm writing this so that hopefully I will start feeling less sorry for myself. In my mind I know I am being a big baby but at 2 am after 1.5 hours of sleep it's hard to think rationally. Poor Matt must be exhausted living with two babies. :)
So there it is. My plight as a mother. Maybe I'm the only one who has ever felt this way. My hope is that if anyone ever googles "crazy mom" and comes across this post they'll find some relief in knowing that they're not the only ones. That I was crazy once too. Of course, my ultimate hope is that in a few months things will be better and I will no longer feel like a nut. I will gladly accept any prayers on my little family's behalf. I need God's peaceful presence now more than ever in my life.
Note to Gracie:
I love you little girl! When you are old enough to read this I will probably not even remember my crazy sleepless nights. That's because you have provided more joy in my life than I can even put in words. In the grand scheme of things a few sleepless months is worth the gift that you have been to me.
Gracie started a few weeks ago waking in the middle of the night several times and it progressed to waking every couple of hours over the last two nights. I do not handle this well at all. I tried the paci dance (replacing the paci every time she cried) but this only afforded me about 40 minutes of sleep in between steps. I tried letting her cry it out which works the first couple of times but by round three my blood is boiling. I've made a couple of early morning (read 4 am) trips to walmart just to cool off. I went for a drive last night at 10 pm and thought seriously about renting a hotel room. I have consistently been getting about 4 hours of sleep a night which makes me a blubbering fool all day long and basically mad at the world.
I love Gracie. I will always love Gracie. I know that this time will pass and I will probably forget all about it just in time to start going through it again with a sibling for Gracie one day but right now I am broken. I get so angry. Not at Gracie. I know she's just a baby and she cries because that is all she can do to communicate. I am angry at myself mostly because I don't know what to do. I don't know if she's hungry or cold or hot. I don't know if she needs a paci or if I should just let her cry. My blood boils and I start to think that all I want is for Gracie to be quiet so I can sleep and then I get angry at myself for not being a good mom and being understanding of these difficult times for her. Then I start praying but that doesn't make me feel better. Then I start thinking I'm crazy because it's not like God is smiting me. There are probably millions of people going through this exact same sleepless night right now. And then I start sobbing. And somewhere between Gracie's cries and my cries I fall asleep. Most days are good. She wakes up smiling and I wake up not crying. And then there are days when all I can think about is tonight. Will she sleep good? Will she be up every two hours? Will I sleep at all?
I'm not writing this so that everyone can feel sorry for me. I'm writing this so that hopefully I will start feeling less sorry for myself. In my mind I know I am being a big baby but at 2 am after 1.5 hours of sleep it's hard to think rationally. Poor Matt must be exhausted living with two babies. :)
So there it is. My plight as a mother. Maybe I'm the only one who has ever felt this way. My hope is that if anyone ever googles "crazy mom" and comes across this post they'll find some relief in knowing that they're not the only ones. That I was crazy once too. Of course, my ultimate hope is that in a few months things will be better and I will no longer feel like a nut. I will gladly accept any prayers on my little family's behalf. I need God's peaceful presence now more than ever in my life.
Note to Gracie:
I love you little girl! When you are old enough to read this I will probably not even remember my crazy sleepless nights. That's because you have provided more joy in my life than I can even put in words. In the grand scheme of things a few sleepless months is worth the gift that you have been to me.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Reaching for Our Hearts
Gracie has started reaching. She reaches for everything. For her toys, her blanket, her burp rags and her clothes. She reaches for our toys (cellphones and TV remotes), our clothes and our food. She reaches, most importantly, for us. :) There is just something amazing about when the little life you've been nurturing from the day you found out she existed begins to throw her arms toward you in anticipation of being held, hugged, kissed and loved by you.
Matt and I pass her back and forth just so we can see this new skill in action.
I've posted lots of new pictures on our Flickr page and videos on thevimeo site.
Matt and I pass her back and forth just so we can see this new skill in action.
I've posted lots of new pictures on our Flickr page and videos on thevimeo site.
Monday, March 9, 2009
4 Months!
Well, Gracie turned four months old March 3rd. She's growing so fast!
We had her four month check up on Friday March 6th and she did absolutely wonderful. She weighs 13 lbs and 6 oz (44%), she is 24 and 3/4 in. long (68%) and her head is 16 1/2 in. around (73%). So she's basically tall, skinny and really, really smart. She took her immunizations like a champ. We had a follow-up hip ultrasound at the end of last week. She had one at 6 weeks and the measurements on her left hip were just a little off so they wanted to get another look and everything is perfect.
The most exciting thing about the 4 month milestone is that we started her on rice cereal. On Friday March 6th we mixed a very tiny bit of it with breast milk and she didn't like it at all. We kept trying though and in a few days she actually seemed to enjoy it. Well, enjoy might be a bit too strong. She basically tolerated it and seemed interested in the spoon. The rice cereal made her very gassy and even a bit cranky so I switched to oatmeal cereal which was much better. I'm only giving it to her every couple of days now because she still gets all she needs from nursing.
The last couple of weeks were rough. She started waking up in the middle of the night which made it hard for me to sleep but after a few nights of crying it out she seems to have decided it's just not worth it. Now she is going to bed at 8, waking between 5 and 6 to eat and then going back to sleep for about 3 hours. She normally wakes up for good between 8 and 8:30. We're finally getting back into a routine after the week in the hospital and bringing her bedtime forward.
This is all wonderful for me because I go a little bonkers without a routine. I never did before but the stress of being a mom has really bowled me over lately. I don't think it can really be understood unless you've been a mother. The physical aspects are not that hard. Bathing, diapering, dressing and entertaining are all easy enough. It's the mental game that gets me. The little decisions that have to be made all day long. Is it time to eat yet? Should I feed her some solids? She seems cranky, why? Is she cold, is she hot? Is she happy? Is she stimulated enough or too much? Should I let her cry or pick her up? Maybe all mothers don't find it as difficult but I really have. I love that little girl so much and want to do absolutely everything the best way I can that I stress myself out about what seem to be little decisions. I don't know what I'd do without Matt. I've said it before and it is confirmed daily that he was definitely made for me.
Well, this post has been rather "babbly" so I'll put an end to it now and try and come up with something a little more entertaining for next time. Any requests?
We had her four month check up on Friday March 6th and she did absolutely wonderful. She weighs 13 lbs and 6 oz (44%), she is 24 and 3/4 in. long (68%) and her head is 16 1/2 in. around (73%). So she's basically tall, skinny and really, really smart. She took her immunizations like a champ. We had a follow-up hip ultrasound at the end of last week. She had one at 6 weeks and the measurements on her left hip were just a little off so they wanted to get another look and everything is perfect.
The most exciting thing about the 4 month milestone is that we started her on rice cereal. On Friday March 6th we mixed a very tiny bit of it with breast milk and she didn't like it at all. We kept trying though and in a few days she actually seemed to enjoy it. Well, enjoy might be a bit too strong. She basically tolerated it and seemed interested in the spoon. The rice cereal made her very gassy and even a bit cranky so I switched to oatmeal cereal which was much better. I'm only giving it to her every couple of days now because she still gets all she needs from nursing.
The last couple of weeks were rough. She started waking up in the middle of the night which made it hard for me to sleep but after a few nights of crying it out she seems to have decided it's just not worth it. Now she is going to bed at 8, waking between 5 and 6 to eat and then going back to sleep for about 3 hours. She normally wakes up for good between 8 and 8:30. We're finally getting back into a routine after the week in the hospital and bringing her bedtime forward.
This is all wonderful for me because I go a little bonkers without a routine. I never did before but the stress of being a mom has really bowled me over lately. I don't think it can really be understood unless you've been a mother. The physical aspects are not that hard. Bathing, diapering, dressing and entertaining are all easy enough. It's the mental game that gets me. The little decisions that have to be made all day long. Is it time to eat yet? Should I feed her some solids? She seems cranky, why? Is she cold, is she hot? Is she happy? Is she stimulated enough or too much? Should I let her cry or pick her up? Maybe all mothers don't find it as difficult but I really have. I love that little girl so much and want to do absolutely everything the best way I can that I stress myself out about what seem to be little decisions. I don't know what I'd do without Matt. I've said it before and it is confirmed daily that he was definitely made for me.
Well, this post has been rather "babbly" so I'll put an end to it now and try and come up with something a little more entertaining for next time. Any requests?
Monday, March 2, 2009
Gracie Finds Her Voice
Yesterday (3/1/09) Gracie found her voice. She's been cooing and laughing and squealing for some time now but yesterday she starting talking. Not literally of course.
She was sitting in her papasan watching daddy work when she started conversing with the baby in the mirror. I stopped what I was doing and went into the room to see if she was enjoying a conversation with Matt. There is a mirror that hangs over the seat with a bumble bee hanging down. She was batting the bee around and cooing up a storm. Neither of us were coaxing her into her squeals like we normally do. By coaxing, of course, I mean generally making fools of ourselves. She has also starting smiling and laughing as if she is beginning to understand the world.
Saturday morning she was napping on the full size bed in her room and when she starting stirring Matt went to take his turn putting the paci back in while I caught a little more shut eye. He later told me that as soon as he opened the door she was smiling at him from the bed with one of those, "Hi Daddy, I love you Daddy, aren't I cute Daddy?" kind of smiles. He laid next to her while she played with his hand and fell back to sleep. I'm sure that is no indication of how their relationship will be in the future. I'm sure Matt will be forever cool, calm and collected in the face of a little blue eyed beauty who needs a little swat on the rear or a firm, "No." Or maybe, just maybe, she's already got him wrapped around her little finger. :)
I was giving her a bath a few nights ago and she was laughing in the tub while she kicked. When I was dressing her I held her up to put the sleeper down and she had a view of a Parents magazine with a goofy kid smiling on it and she laughed out loud.
She seems to change in little ways everyday. I'm feeling more and more like I'll wake up one morning and she'll be walking and talking already. I guess she's got to grow up eventually. At least we can have fun along the way. I'm trying to will Indiana into an early spring by thinking about all the fun things we can do when Gracie gets a little older and the weather gets a bit warmer. I plan to go to the zoo, the children's museum, home to visit family and see the beach, plant some flowers and take lots of walks outside. I'm sure all of these things will have Gracie "talking" and laughing as she learns about the world God made for us. Beautiful flowers and funny looking elephants make me smile and I'm sure Gracie will enjoy them too.
You can watch the video of Gracie finding her voice here .
Note to Gracie:
You will be four months old tomorrow and time has flown by since the moment you were born. There have been some tough moments but they are all out weighed by the moments spent cuddling, rocking, smiling, cooing and laughing with you. I can remember life before you were here and I don't miss it at all. The fact that God saw fit to place you in our lives reminds me everyday just how much he loves us. All of us. Daddy and I had a song in our wedding called "Blessed Be Your Name." It is about the relationship we want to have with God throughout our life together. One of the lines is, "Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise." Gracie you are a blessing from God and every day I praise Him for you. Every day.
She was sitting in her papasan watching daddy work when she started conversing with the baby in the mirror. I stopped what I was doing and went into the room to see if she was enjoying a conversation with Matt. There is a mirror that hangs over the seat with a bumble bee hanging down. She was batting the bee around and cooing up a storm. Neither of us were coaxing her into her squeals like we normally do. By coaxing, of course, I mean generally making fools of ourselves. She has also starting smiling and laughing as if she is beginning to understand the world.
Saturday morning she was napping on the full size bed in her room and when she starting stirring Matt went to take his turn putting the paci back in while I caught a little more shut eye. He later told me that as soon as he opened the door she was smiling at him from the bed with one of those, "Hi Daddy, I love you Daddy, aren't I cute Daddy?" kind of smiles. He laid next to her while she played with his hand and fell back to sleep. I'm sure that is no indication of how their relationship will be in the future. I'm sure Matt will be forever cool, calm and collected in the face of a little blue eyed beauty who needs a little swat on the rear or a firm, "No." Or maybe, just maybe, she's already got him wrapped around her little finger. :)
I was giving her a bath a few nights ago and she was laughing in the tub while she kicked. When I was dressing her I held her up to put the sleeper down and she had a view of a Parents magazine with a goofy kid smiling on it and she laughed out loud.
She seems to change in little ways everyday. I'm feeling more and more like I'll wake up one morning and she'll be walking and talking already. I guess she's got to grow up eventually. At least we can have fun along the way. I'm trying to will Indiana into an early spring by thinking about all the fun things we can do when Gracie gets a little older and the weather gets a bit warmer. I plan to go to the zoo, the children's museum, home to visit family and see the beach, plant some flowers and take lots of walks outside. I'm sure all of these things will have Gracie "talking" and laughing as she learns about the world God made for us. Beautiful flowers and funny looking elephants make me smile and I'm sure Gracie will enjoy them too.
You can watch the video of Gracie finding her voice here .
Note to Gracie:
You will be four months old tomorrow and time has flown by since the moment you were born. There have been some tough moments but they are all out weighed by the moments spent cuddling, rocking, smiling, cooing and laughing with you. I can remember life before you were here and I don't miss it at all. The fact that God saw fit to place you in our lives reminds me everyday just how much he loves us. All of us. Daddy and I had a song in our wedding called "Blessed Be Your Name." It is about the relationship we want to have with God throughout our life together. One of the lines is, "Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise." Gracie you are a blessing from God and every day I praise Him for you. Every day.
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