More of You

Driving home from church tonight I passed a stretch of foliage that was starting to show signs of the season. Suddenly the phrase "season of me" leapt into my mind. I was coming home early from church to put the little ones down because Wednesdays are visit days which means they get little to no nap and need an early bedtime. I was feeling sad that I wouldn't be able to attend class tonight. This is definitely not a "season of me." In fact, the moment I became a mom ended what seemed like a "season of me." That time between college and kids where we think we're in charge of life.

Then, as I often do, I mulled over these thoughts and it didn't take long for me to realize that a "season of me" is not something I will ever have again. Not because I'll always be a hands on caretaker but because as I grow in my faith I am more and more aware that it is no longer I that am in control. Honestly, I would rather not be. I am longing for transformation in my heart. I pray that I am becoming more and more like Jesus. I hope that my ways are shifting further and further into the background so that His ways can prevail. As John says in chapter six and verse 30, "He must become greater, I must become less."

I wish I could say that the selfish part of me has subsided so far into the depths that I rise everyday ready to meet the challenges God has before me with the greatest grace and dignity, but I would be lying if I did. Daily I fail. Daily I struggle with the mundane and hard parts of my job. Daily I call on God to show me grace and allow me to show grace to those around me. Daily I pray, "more of you, Lord and less of me."