New Life

It's been a strange year filled with Mountains and Valleys. I feel like it really got away from me. As though, for most of the months since my last post (nearly a year ago) I have been sort of floating along on a high or trying desperately to stay above the water in a low.

In October, as we beamed over our children, we decided that we just might be crazy enough to add to our little bunch. We were blessed with two pink lines fairly quickly. By December we knew our family would be growing and then before Christmas our second little angel made his way to Heaven. As often happens with miscarriage I sunk pretty low. I was able to see purpose in God's plan this time and I trusted ultimately in His timing for our family. But that didn't keep me from feeling sad. From experiencing the grief that comes with loss. I stayed above the water. God held me above the water. He brought good work in to my life in the form of family management. I really started to enjoy my kids and my home and just working every day to serve those around me. We decided that we would embark on the journey of selling our home and buying a new one which kept me busy and mostly sane as we continued to trust God for His timing in growing our family.

And then again we started to feel the joy of new life. The excitement of an addition to our family. The excitement, though, that comes post miscarriage. Cautiously optimistic. Praying without ceasing. Hopes high but not too high.

We are over that hump now. This new little sister has abundant life and likes to make me aware of her presence every time I sit still. It is a beautiful feeling. Life, abundant. I often think about whether or not I will get to see my babies faces in Heaven one day. Will I know that I am, in fact, a mother of five there? Or will the Glory of God overcome me and all the things of this world pass from my memory so that all I can do is look on Him? I'm not sure. Either way will be okay with me. Either way I imagine my arms will be stretched wide either in praise to my Father in Heaven or in a hug so big that all of my sweet babies will fit within my embrace. I hope it's both. I really hope it's both.