Facebook has become something strange to me. It is a great way to keep up with friends and to communicate with my church family but it is also, at times, a great source of guilt for me. Not guilt in general but mom guilt. There is a plethora of information on the web about raising children. There are opinions about everything and scientific facts to back up nearly every opinion. The articles that get posted on Facebook are often at one end of the spectrum or the other. There are not many "in between" articles to read because, well, those aren't very interesting.
I know my Facebook friends post articles because they are passionate about a subject or because they feel like it might help another mom and I bet they do sometimes. I bet some moms come away from those articles thinking, "I didn't know that, maybe I'll try XYZ next time ABC happens." Or maybe a new mom reads and finds comfort in some advice she's been waiting for. For that reason those articles are nice to see come across my feed.
But every once in awhile one of those articles hits me the wrong way. It eats at my heart trying to convince me that I did it wrong. That my little guy will not turn out okay because I accidentally forgot to open his door one night when he was an infant and so didn't hear him cry to eat in the night (true story). Or that my sweet girl will be overly needy because one night when she was a baby and feeding wasn't going smoothly I had to set her down and walk away for a bit because exhaustion and post pregnancy hormones don't always unite to create a euphoric state of being (another true story).
One of those articles popped up last night. I felt the wave of guilt come on quickly. I jumped up from my seat and began to circle the house. Gracie, Evan, bedroom. Kitchen, water. Not helping. Praying. Laying hands on my girl. God bless her. Erase my wrongs so that she will prevail a strong, confident woman who knows you and loves you and shares you with others. Laying hands on my boy. God bless him. Erase my wrongs so that he will prevail a strong, confident man who knows you and loves you and shares you with others. God remove this guilt. Bring peace. Bring Peace. Computer on. Words coming. Tears falling. Husband affirming. Word of God calming. Peace coming. In God resting. Sleep healing. Daughter waking. Son cooing. Joy coming. Sun shining.
In my therapeutic writing last night I defined two terms that are very relevant to me in my season of life.
Mom guilt [mom gilt]
noun
The nagging feeling that you are not doing it right.
Mom Peace [mom pees]
noun
1. Remembering that God created you with purpose and one of those purposes is to raise these babies with His help and guidance.
2. Recognition that there are many ways to "train a child in the way he should go" (Pvb 22:6) but only one God to point him towards.
3. Relief in knowing that God will "never leave you nor forsake you" (Heb. 13:5) in life or in parenthood.
"So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"" Hebrews 13:6
I could not do this mom thing alone. The Lord has provided me with such wonderful support in the form of a wonderful husband, loving parents and amazing friends. I am constantly leaning on Him to pick up the broken pieces of a situation I created in my faulty human way. I am continually praying that guilt will leave and grace will stay. Grace, not just for my kids and my people but for myself too.
