Evan and I went on our usual Wednesday lunch date today. We were at Paradise Bakery. If you know me you are incredibly surprised by this (read with much sarcasm).
While there, Evan looked straight up to check things out. He pointed to the fan and the ducts.
In all of his curiosity he is drawn upward. At lunch the phrase, "looking up" stuck in my mind. Here it is, sweet sweet nap time, and I am still mulling it over in my head.
I've thought lately about how I should look up from my phone more. About how I should just put it down and watch the kids play. About how it doesn't really matter if I've received an email in the last 10 minutes or checked to see what all my Facebook friends are doing. Maybe if I look up more I'll catch a glimpse of this wonderful life and feel connected to my kids a bit more. Maybe I won't be so frustrated when they ask for help or need some attention because my vision is not divided among so many unimportant things but is better focused on what's around me and what's important. Maybe I can stop considering what the internet tells me is a kept home and start reflecting on all the love and joy that exists within my own home. Maybe it would free me to focus upward as Evan does.
Yes, that's it. I think I will put my phone down more often and see where the Spirit takes my thoughts. I will wait quietly for guidance from above and rest in the peace that being with Jesus brings. I will play with my kids and manage my home with a song in my heart and a smile on my face instead of a phone in my hands and Facebook on my mind.
Can you feel that? Can you feel the sun on your face as you look up? I can. And it is glorious.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Scripture
Gracie snuck out of quiet time today. She was coming to the living room to get a little chair to take back for whatever game she was playing in her room.
I was reading in 2 Thessalonians and a verse struck the "children" chord in my heart so I was praying specifically for her and Evan when she came into the room with a smile on her face. It was a smile that said, "Is this okay? Can I get this chair? I'm having fun." I smiled back and heard a whisper in my heart that said, "Show her." So I did.
"May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ." 2 Thessalonians 3: 5
I showed her the circled verse and read it to her. We talked about how it is a prayer I say for them. I told her that I prayed that God would fill her heart with love for Him and that she would always, always, always remember that Jesus is with her and that He loves her. She smiled big, the way she does right before bed when I look her straight in the eyes and tell her she is so loved and that I am so glad God put her in our family. The way she does when I linger a little with a long hug before turning out the lights. That smile always makes me feel like maybe I'm doing this mom thing okay. It's a smile that feels love. That appreciates hearing her mom talk about how special she is and how blessed we are to have her.
In the parenting class at church a few months ago we talked about the importance of our children seeing us with the scriptures. We read from the kids Bibles and little devotion books pretty frequently but they probably don't see me reading my Bible often enough. My quiet time is usually during their quiet time because, let's face it, reading scriptures for insight is not an easy feat when two noisy and nosey little ones are underfoot. Today I'm thankful that God gave me this tiny little moment to show Gracie a scripture that is on my heart. Maybe it will stay in hers too.
I was reading in 2 Thessalonians and a verse struck the "children" chord in my heart so I was praying specifically for her and Evan when she came into the room with a smile on her face. It was a smile that said, "Is this okay? Can I get this chair? I'm having fun." I smiled back and heard a whisper in my heart that said, "Show her." So I did.
"May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ." 2 Thessalonians 3: 5
I showed her the circled verse and read it to her. We talked about how it is a prayer I say for them. I told her that I prayed that God would fill her heart with love for Him and that she would always, always, always remember that Jesus is with her and that He loves her. She smiled big, the way she does right before bed when I look her straight in the eyes and tell her she is so loved and that I am so glad God put her in our family. The way she does when I linger a little with a long hug before turning out the lights. That smile always makes me feel like maybe I'm doing this mom thing okay. It's a smile that feels love. That appreciates hearing her mom talk about how special she is and how blessed we are to have her.
In the parenting class at church a few months ago we talked about the importance of our children seeing us with the scriptures. We read from the kids Bibles and little devotion books pretty frequently but they probably don't see me reading my Bible often enough. My quiet time is usually during their quiet time because, let's face it, reading scriptures for insight is not an easy feat when two noisy and nosey little ones are underfoot. Today I'm thankful that God gave me this tiny little moment to show Gracie a scripture that is on my heart. Maybe it will stay in hers too.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Angel Kisses
Hello, my name is Kelly and I lied to my daughter.
It's true. I did. Before she could talk I told her that freckles were angel kisses. And we still talk about it often. Sometimes she gets a new one and comes to me excited about it. Today she asked if angels kiss dogs too because she found some spots on Preston's (the dogs) tummy.
I told her this because my mom told me the same thing when I was little and I have not once despised my freckles. In fact, I quite like them. And there are many of them so it's a good thing I do like them.
I could feel bad about this, but I don't. Because, really, do you know where freckles come from?
It's true. I did. Before she could talk I told her that freckles were angel kisses. And we still talk about it often. Sometimes she gets a new one and comes to me excited about it. Today she asked if angels kiss dogs too because she found some spots on Preston's (the dogs) tummy.
I told her this because my mom told me the same thing when I was little and I have not once despised my freckles. In fact, I quite like them. And there are many of them so it's a good thing I do like them.
I could feel bad about this, but I don't. Because, really, do you know where freckles come from?
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
When We Pray
Oh, these babies. These babies that take the words right out of me. When my little ones are tiny I put them to bed at night and sometimes make this little sound that can only be described as a grunt. Matt heard it once and thought I was upset or frustrated about something. Understandable, since it does have a bit of "umph" to it. I had to explain to him that sometimes when I look at them all sweet and cozy and peaceful my love for them literally cannot be kept inside and sort of escapes as that sound.
Small moments in my day bring forth that sound. When Gracie, so peacefully helps her brother with something without being asked. When Evan runs to give Gracie a hug without being prompted. When a wrong choice has been made and we come together to forgive and talk about grace. When Gracie tells me about the tadpole at preschool that did not make it and how he is in heaven now but, "Don't worry because the people there are taking care of him and so is God." When we stop to pray before bed and Evan sits down and folds his hands (for the prayer that will be short and sweet so as to encourage his sitting for such an occasion without expecting too much from an 18 month old). These moments are fleeting. They are fast and I'm sure many go by without me noticing.
But then I have a week like the last few that force me to slow down and enjoy the little things. I have big things on my mind. I have struggles within me that are slowly bubbling to the surface and they cause my mind to constantly be searching for God and His will and He is bringing me to these moments. To these prayers that are uttered in between dishes and laundry and sopping wet carpets. To these moments where my love for my children reminds me of my Father's love for me.
I have no doubt He speaks to me through them. I have no doubt that the way I feel for them is only a sampling of what He feels for me. For all of His children. I so love that He reminds me of that by opening my eyes to the small moments that take my breath away.
Note to Gracie and Evan:
You are both wonderful. You are little lights that shine in my everyday. Though you are human and make mistakes, as I do, you are deserving of grace in every way. Though you are little and learning you still find ways to make me go, "Hmmm?" You keep me on my toes and you help me dance a little while I'm there. You keep me laughing and sometimes crying and always loving.
Small moments in my day bring forth that sound. When Gracie, so peacefully helps her brother with something without being asked. When Evan runs to give Gracie a hug without being prompted. When a wrong choice has been made and we come together to forgive and talk about grace. When Gracie tells me about the tadpole at preschool that did not make it and how he is in heaven now but, "Don't worry because the people there are taking care of him and so is God." When we stop to pray before bed and Evan sits down and folds his hands (for the prayer that will be short and sweet so as to encourage his sitting for such an occasion without expecting too much from an 18 month old). These moments are fleeting. They are fast and I'm sure many go by without me noticing.
But then I have a week like the last few that force me to slow down and enjoy the little things. I have big things on my mind. I have struggles within me that are slowly bubbling to the surface and they cause my mind to constantly be searching for God and His will and He is bringing me to these moments. To these prayers that are uttered in between dishes and laundry and sopping wet carpets. To these moments where my love for my children reminds me of my Father's love for me.
I have no doubt He speaks to me through them. I have no doubt that the way I feel for them is only a sampling of what He feels for me. For all of His children. I so love that He reminds me of that by opening my eyes to the small moments that take my breath away.
Note to Gracie and Evan:
You are both wonderful. You are little lights that shine in my everyday. Though you are human and make mistakes, as I do, you are deserving of grace in every way. Though you are little and learning you still find ways to make me go, "Hmmm?" You keep me on my toes and you help me dance a little while I'm there. You keep me laughing and sometimes crying and always loving.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Mom Guilt
Facebook has become something strange to me. It is a great way to keep up with friends and to communicate with my church family but it is also, at times, a great source of guilt for me. Not guilt in general but mom guilt. There is a plethora of information on the web about raising children. There are opinions about everything and scientific facts to back up nearly every opinion. The articles that get posted on Facebook are often at one end of the spectrum or the other. There are not many "in between" articles to read because, well, those aren't very interesting.
I know my Facebook friends post articles because they are passionate about a subject or because they feel like it might help another mom and I bet they do sometimes. I bet some moms come away from those articles thinking, "I didn't know that, maybe I'll try XYZ next time ABC happens." Or maybe a new mom reads and finds comfort in some advice she's been waiting for. For that reason those articles are nice to see come across my feed.
But every once in awhile one of those articles hits me the wrong way. It eats at my heart trying to convince me that I did it wrong. That my little guy will not turn out okay because I accidentally forgot to open his door one night when he was an infant and so didn't hear him cry to eat in the night (true story). Or that my sweet girl will be overly needy because one night when she was a baby and feeding wasn't going smoothly I had to set her down and walk away for a bit because exhaustion and post pregnancy hormones don't always unite to create a euphoric state of being (another true story).
One of those articles popped up last night. I felt the wave of guilt come on quickly. I jumped up from my seat and began to circle the house. Gracie, Evan, bedroom. Kitchen, water. Not helping. Praying. Laying hands on my girl. God bless her. Erase my wrongs so that she will prevail a strong, confident woman who knows you and loves you and shares you with others. Laying hands on my boy. God bless him. Erase my wrongs so that he will prevail a strong, confident man who knows you and loves you and shares you with others. God remove this guilt. Bring peace. Bring Peace. Computer on. Words coming. Tears falling. Husband affirming. Word of God calming. Peace coming. In God resting. Sleep healing. Daughter waking. Son cooing. Joy coming. Sun shining.
In my therapeutic writing last night I defined two terms that are very relevant to me in my season of life.
Mom guilt [mom gilt]
noun
The nagging feeling that you are not doing it right.
Mom Peace [mom pees]
noun
1. Remembering that God created you with purpose and one of those purposes is to raise these babies with His help and guidance.
2. Recognition that there are many ways to "train a child in the way he should go" (Pvb 22:6) but only one God to point him towards.
3. Relief in knowing that God will "never leave you nor forsake you" (Heb. 13:5) in life or in parenthood.
"So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"" Hebrews 13:6
I could not do this mom thing alone. The Lord has provided me with such wonderful support in the form of a wonderful husband, loving parents and amazing friends. I am constantly leaning on Him to pick up the broken pieces of a situation I created in my faulty human way. I am continually praying that guilt will leave and grace will stay. Grace, not just for my kids and my people but for myself too.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Love
Yesterday was Valentine's Day. It is a day that gets sort of swept away in this house. It all starts in November with the kid's birthdays, Christmas in December, our anniversary in January, and finally Matt's birthday at the beginning of February. We're almost tired of celebrating by the time this strange little day rolls around.
Don't get me wrong, I can always find little trinkets that the kids love and who doesn't enjoy an old fashioned box of chocolates (to go with all the girl scout cookies we're eating)? Matt and I usually find a card for each other and sometimes I'm lucky enough to get a beautiful bouquet of flowers. If I have the energy I like to make heart shaped food and turn everything I can pink so the kids will get a kick out of the day.
Yesterday was an extra special Valentine's Day for me. It started with the kids enjoying the little gifts I got them. Gracie had a preschool party and Evan was just happy to be home from our trip to Texas so we were all in good spirits. Matt worked from home and, although he had planned to make it to the store for a card and some flowers, he apologized that the day just got away from him and he wasn't able to. Sometimes it really is the thought that counts. He decided to take me and the kids out for a date instead so we all loaded up and had our lovely dinner at Chick Fil A. There were balloons and the kids got to play and I could not help but feel so blessed to have all of my valentines with me, smiling and healthy.
I just love my family.
I love how Evan's feet dance a little when he gets excited. How he side steps and bobs back and forth just because he's a little boy with everything to be happy about. I love how he is starting to say his sister's name and how he melts hearts by reaching his arms up for a hug. I love that he is energetic and so curious.
I love Gracie's silly side. I love that she sings through life and dances in the airport as we wait for a flight. I love that she prefers to wear skirts because they just spin better. I love that during her extra 15 minutes after Evan goes to bed she wants to play games with me and her daddy and that she says, "Great job cleaning up the living room so we can play a game mommy." She's my little encourager.
I love Matt's thoughtfulness. I love that he knew I would rather eat Chick Fil A with my family than spend time cooking and cleaning. I love that he is raising our kids with patience and takes the time to really be with them and teach them the things they want to know. He's actually better than I am at those things. I love that he extends grace when I need it.
I pray daily that I can show my family the kind of love God calls me to. The kind that extends grace in moments when it is very hard to love. The kind that takes a deep breath and remembers that these children are imperfect as I am and still learning as I am and deserve hugs and kisses and encouragement and correction without losing my cool. The kind that sees through a wrong done or a mistake made and realizes that I am not without sin. The kind that smiles and laughs and says, "I love you to the moon and back." and means it.
Don't get me wrong, I can always find little trinkets that the kids love and who doesn't enjoy an old fashioned box of chocolates (to go with all the girl scout cookies we're eating)? Matt and I usually find a card for each other and sometimes I'm lucky enough to get a beautiful bouquet of flowers. If I have the energy I like to make heart shaped food and turn everything I can pink so the kids will get a kick out of the day.
Yesterday was an extra special Valentine's Day for me. It started with the kids enjoying the little gifts I got them. Gracie had a preschool party and Evan was just happy to be home from our trip to Texas so we were all in good spirits. Matt worked from home and, although he had planned to make it to the store for a card and some flowers, he apologized that the day just got away from him and he wasn't able to. Sometimes it really is the thought that counts. He decided to take me and the kids out for a date instead so we all loaded up and had our lovely dinner at Chick Fil A. There were balloons and the kids got to play and I could not help but feel so blessed to have all of my valentines with me, smiling and healthy.
I just love my family.
I love how Evan's feet dance a little when he gets excited. How he side steps and bobs back and forth just because he's a little boy with everything to be happy about. I love how he is starting to say his sister's name and how he melts hearts by reaching his arms up for a hug. I love that he is energetic and so curious.
I love Gracie's silly side. I love that she sings through life and dances in the airport as we wait for a flight. I love that she prefers to wear skirts because they just spin better. I love that during her extra 15 minutes after Evan goes to bed she wants to play games with me and her daddy and that she says, "Great job cleaning up the living room so we can play a game mommy." She's my little encourager.
I love Matt's thoughtfulness. I love that he knew I would rather eat Chick Fil A with my family than spend time cooking and cleaning. I love that he is raising our kids with patience and takes the time to really be with them and teach them the things they want to know. He's actually better than I am at those things. I love that he extends grace when I need it.
I pray daily that I can show my family the kind of love God calls me to. The kind that extends grace in moments when it is very hard to love. The kind that takes a deep breath and remembers that these children are imperfect as I am and still learning as I am and deserve hugs and kisses and encouragement and correction without losing my cool. The kind that sees through a wrong done or a mistake made and realizes that I am not without sin. The kind that smiles and laughs and says, "I love you to the moon and back." and means it.
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