One Year

One year used to seem so long. As a kid it was an eternity. In high school it was endless until summer came. In college it started to speed up about the time when the serious decisions about my future needed to be made. After marriage it started to become hard to believe that it had already been a year and then two and then...

Then we had a baby. Years go by in what seems like the blink of an eye now. I wrote my last blog post about a year ago and although so much has changed it has gone by so fast.

We are a family of four now. The Lord saw fit to bless us with a beautiful baby boy. Evan Matthew Dean was born on November 9, 2011. He was 7 lbs 15 oz and 20.25 inches long. He is growing so incredibly fast and now (at three and a half months) weighs in at about 17 lbs! He is a content little guy and loves to lay out and watch the family living life around him. He squeals a lot and smiles so big. He makes this stretching face when I pick him up from a nap. He throws up his arms, draws his feet up, leans his head back and pushes out his lips. I love it so much. He has this way of looking at me with those beautiful brownish eyes when he is sitting on my lap after a feeding. He has his head down like it's just too heavy to hold up and then he lifts just his eyes to meet mine and grins so big that my heart feels like it might explode from all the love it has for him. For Gracie. For my little family.

I am so tired. I am so overwhelmed. I am so grateful. I am so blessed. I am so wishing that this year does not fly by so quickly. That this year I can be a great mom to the two little people the Lord has entrusted to me. That I can take time to enjoy the little moments that make this job great and that the little moments that make it hurt will pass quickly and not linger. That this year I can lean on the One who created motherhood and know His plans are great.

Not to Evan:

I love you little man. More than you will probably ever know. I am sorry that you are already experiencing the second child syndrome in the form of fewer photos, less blog posts, and a really exhausted mommy. But I am not sorry that you have a big sister who adores you, that the important moments are etched into my mind if not a photo and that you have made my heart grow with love so abundant that I can't imagine our family without you. Grow slowly little man. You will be big before we know it. :)

The Wisdom of a Two Year Old

Tonight at bedtime we finished our routine by singing "God Has Smiled on Me."

Here are the lyrics we sing:

"God has smiled on me
He has set me free.

You know that God has smiled on me
He's been good to me."

Here is the dialogue that followed the song:

Mom: "Has God smiled on you Gracie?"
Gracie: "Yes!"
Dad: "What does God's smile look like Gracie?" (while grinning very large)
Gracie: "Jesus!"

She said Jesus Y'all! Oh, that we would all have the great wisdom of a two year old. :)

A Toddlers Prayer

I was just thinking last night that I needed to write something. Occasionally I feel a little guilty that I am not keeping up with this blog as often as I had hoped. I guess that's the life of a Mom for you. Make plans and promptly have them changed either by myself or one of the people I take care of everyday. I wouldn't have it any other way. :)

Tonight Gracie gave me something to write about. Wonderful how the good Lord works, isn't it? We were going through our normal bedtime routine (we find routines work well with our two year old). Two stories, a song and prayer. We let Gracie pick the order of the song and prayer because it makes her feel like she has a say in what goes on in her day to day world (wow...that is a devotional waiting to be written about how alike a toddlers life is to ours when we truly see God for the father He is to us, but I digress). She picked song first (Jesus Loves the Little Children) and then a prayer. We are in the habit of asking if she wants to pray or if she would like us to pray. Tonight she wanted to. She always needs help so we tend to get her started with Dear God and then ask her what she is thankful for. She typically says things like Mommy, Daddy, Preston and Jesus. She has recently started adding to the list with books, toys, lights, and other things that she sees. Tonight God stirred me using her words. She said, "Daddy's hand and other one hand, Mommy's hands. Daddy's head, forehead, eyebrow and other eyebrow, eyes, nose, mouth and chin. Amen" She did this while sliding her hands down across his face. Saying all the names of the parts with a genuine gratefulness. Not the typical naming parts of the body game but a quiet conversation with God about how thankful she was for her Daddy...all of him.

I, of course, was quietly crying and laughing at the same time truly enjoying what I was seeing take place. I am so grateful for this little girl who has brought such joy to our lives and who continues to amaze me everyday. I am going to take a lesson from my two year old and remember to thank God for the little things on a daily basis.

Endearing

I am reading through a devotional book called "Out of the Spin Cycle" by Jen Hatmaker. It's been a wonderful way to turn my focus to the Lord and His ways every day. If you are a young mom and on my Christmas shopping list then you can expect to be receiving one soon. :)

Today I read the devotion "Today is Tomorrows Yesterday." She is bringing back the focus to today and away from the typical, "I can't wait until __________." At the end she asks, "What is the most endearing about the stage your child is in?" So here goes:

Gracie is almost two. In 20 days she will be my 2-year old. No more months. Just years. So far every stage has been my favorite (well, maybe not the middle of the night feeding stage but I've almost forgotten that already).

Right now she is talking a lot. She is forming little sentences and phrases. Only they come out slow because it's very new for her. She says, "Apple.........juice" and "yes............mommy." I want to stop and say, "Wait for it, wait for it" every time she starts the phrase. She's asking questions like, "daddy, go?" and "more, plane?" Inflection in a two year olds voice has got to be something the angels created. It just sounds so sweet. "gacie, too!"

She's also started singing. It started with the cleanup song and last night as we were getting ready for bed she sang Jesus Loves Me with us. She didn't just listen she sang! It only ended up being every fourth word or so but it was sweeter than honey to my ears. Maybe hearing your children sing is just a little glimpse of what God must hear when we are lifting praises to Him.

She has joy. That might be what endears me most to this stage of her life. She has joy the likes of which we should all have. And I think it's for the same reason. I think she knows her creator. That she has been born into the will of the One who created everything. As we all have. I pray that she chooses to accept the salvation He offers and the Joy that comes with it one day. "Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit." Psalm 51:12

Eskimos

We were sitting at the dinner table tonight and Matt looked at Gracie and asked me this, "can you believe she was once in your belly?" Or something similar to that anyways. My memory is fading fast.

I really can't. I actually thought the exact same thing last night as I was putting her to bed. She gave me a really big hug and as I returned the squeeze I thought about how I carried her in my womb and now she is this little "big" girl who can willfully deny me a hug or a kiss. Thankfully she still enjoys doling out the affection most of the time. The sweetest is when she walks up to you making the "muah" face and then plants one on you. She even likes to "muah" Preston (the dog) every now and again. What can I say, we are dog people. :)

After our dinner conversation I taught Gracie how to kiss like the Eskimos. You know, nose to nose. She then proceeded to say, "nose" to me and to Matt over and over again. From one to the other and back again. It feels a little like a thank you to me, "Thanks for being my Mommy, and feeding me and bathing me and letting me get my way sometimes." This joy is like no other I have felt. It's hard but the rewards are immeasurable.

Rooted

As a parent I've found a new appreciation for God.

I was raised in a Christian home. I don't remember a time in my life when I didn't believe in God. Don't get me wrong, my faith has wavered and I've asked many questions of God and others on my path. But today my faith is strong and I pray that it continues to grow.

I find my faith rooted these days in just how present God truly is in my, and I like to think our, lives. I see Him more now, I think, that I have a child. I cannot help but see all the growth she is going through as a miraculous event that occurs in every human's life. From conception to her first kick in utero, from her first smile to her first step, from her first babble to her first words the human experience is awe inspiring. She advances so quickly. Just 27 months ago she was a single cell. Now she is a running toddler learning new things everyday...literally.

She's saying lots of words these days. Here are just a few (because I know you want to know):

Mama and Dada (which have changed to mommy and daddy just this week)
out
up
down
dog
plane
weeeeee
juice
milk
please
bird
book
pretzel
cookie
cup
water
tree
turtle
fish

She loves to run in circles and squeal. She loves, loves, loves to play outside in her sand box and kiddie pool. She loves to write with chalk and any other writing tool we'll give her. She likes to paint. She likes to watch cartoons. She likes to spin. She loves to tumble around on the bed, and the floor, and the couch. She's learning how to do puzzles on the computer. She's just a little ball of growing knowledge and I never know when she's going to look at me and repeat a word that's seemingly just too big for her little head.

I hope it never gets old. I hope I always see God's presence in my life. I hope that Gracie will feel His presence too and one day accept the grace he offers through His son. I pray for strength and wisdom to help her on this journey of life.

Note to Gracie:

You are talking in your crib right now. I guess that means nap time is over. Sometimes this job (being your mom) is hard. I rest in the fact that this job is my most favorite. It is my most fulfilling. It is my most enjoyable. It is my most rewarding. I love you and always will!

In the Arms of Love

I have come to my blog several times over the past few months to try and write but have left unable to put "pen to paper." I'm not sure why. I can only imagine that maybe I didn't have much to say. Today...God gave me something to say.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I taught this verse in a kindergarten class at church last quarter (the kids learned the shortened version, "In all things God works for good") and have been convicted by just how powerful a promise it is. I am trying to make it my motto. It's easy to trust when things are great. I am praying now that I will remember it when the hardships come. Because they always do.

For now, I rest in the arms of my Savior. I find peace in knowing that He knows me. I feel His arms around me daily. He is big enough to hold the world and yet He wraps me in the tiniest little arms to remind me of just how much He cares for His children. You see, when Gracie holds me in her arms and squeezes tight...I SEE GOD.

Note to Gracie:

You are like a little bit of Heaven on earth. I see your smile and light up. I hear your laugh and laugh with you. I watch you learn and I am in awe of God's creation.